Quick Thoughts
I don't have the brain power to write a lot today but then again that isn't anything new. My brain spends so much energy just willing the anxious thoughts away that sometimes I catch myself and realize that I've missed the last five minutes of the TV show I am watching or somehow my car and I found our way to work but I have no recollection of the drive. Basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired but I've got thoughts and here they go.....
1) I miss him. Every day. I think I always knew that I missed him- hell- I missed him when he went to work for 8 hours and we were married. Now I see him maybe once a week for a block of 1-5 hours and the rest of the week is spent living my life without him. So I miss him and I admit it and I'm ok with everyone knowing.
2) He has a girlfriend. It sucks. I have a lot more I could say about that but I won't. I'm sure you can imagine what it might feel like to only have been told 4 months ago that you are getting a divorce and your husband is leaving you and now knowing he has a girlfriend who he spends most of his time with. You imagining? Now increase that feeling at least 10 times and you will maybe understand how I feel about it.
3) I'm done being sad. That's not to say that I don't feel sad every single day. I feel sad a lot still. But I miss being happy and loving life and I really want to get back there. I can't rush my heart to catch up with my head but I do know my goal is to be happy again.
4) Online dating is weird. If you have any experience, stories, tips, etc. please pass them my way. Also....where the hell do you find real genuine nice good looking men without having to dress all slutty and get drunk in a bar? I'm 28....I haven't really ever been single. I refuse to go the bar route.
5) My entire family knows now. They are being supportive from afar and haven't asked too many questions yet. In fact I'm pretty sure they are all saving them for when they see me in person and probably won't be too happy to learn that my favorite phrase is "I don't want to talk about it".
6) My favorite phrase (see #5) is really to protect my heart. I am not ok. I am not healed. I have a lot on my mind. I could talk for hours or days about it but I just don't think it will help. So when I want to talk I will- it might be with friends or family....but more than likely it will be with him. The one who caused this but also the one who strangely can make me understand the whirlwind inside my mind better than anyone else....still. (Yes, I realize this makes no sense)
That's what I've got today. That and a shit load of other thoughts that are still trying to sort themselves out before finding their way to the keyboard.
One more.....Divorce is the worst. It's almost like watching your life as a movie as it gets worse and worse and you screaming at your TV to stop and instead your life just keeps moving forward.....farther and farther from how you dreamed it would all turn out.
1) I miss him. Every day. I think I always knew that I missed him- hell- I missed him when he went to work for 8 hours and we were married. Now I see him maybe once a week for a block of 1-5 hours and the rest of the week is spent living my life without him. So I miss him and I admit it and I'm ok with everyone knowing.
2) He has a girlfriend. It sucks. I have a lot more I could say about that but I won't. I'm sure you can imagine what it might feel like to only have been told 4 months ago that you are getting a divorce and your husband is leaving you and now knowing he has a girlfriend who he spends most of his time with. You imagining? Now increase that feeling at least 10 times and you will maybe understand how I feel about it.
3) I'm done being sad. That's not to say that I don't feel sad every single day. I feel sad a lot still. But I miss being happy and loving life and I really want to get back there. I can't rush my heart to catch up with my head but I do know my goal is to be happy again.
4) Online dating is weird. If you have any experience, stories, tips, etc. please pass them my way. Also....where the hell do you find real genuine nice good looking men without having to dress all slutty and get drunk in a bar? I'm 28....I haven't really ever been single. I refuse to go the bar route.
5) My entire family knows now. They are being supportive from afar and haven't asked too many questions yet. In fact I'm pretty sure they are all saving them for when they see me in person and probably won't be too happy to learn that my favorite phrase is "I don't want to talk about it".
6) My favorite phrase (see #5) is really to protect my heart. I am not ok. I am not healed. I have a lot on my mind. I could talk for hours or days about it but I just don't think it will help. So when I want to talk I will- it might be with friends or family....but more than likely it will be with him. The one who caused this but also the one who strangely can make me understand the whirlwind inside my mind better than anyone else....still. (Yes, I realize this makes no sense)
That's what I've got today. That and a shit load of other thoughts that are still trying to sort themselves out before finding their way to the keyboard.
One more.....Divorce is the worst. It's almost like watching your life as a movie as it gets worse and worse and you screaming at your TV to stop and instead your life just keeps moving forward.....farther and farther from how you dreamed it would all turn out.
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